A Brief Overview of the 5ive Love Languages

Have you ever wondered whether your boo truly loves you? For the most part we know deep down our boo loves us, but sometimes we question it because of the way they show their affection. In fact, the way we perceive and receive love often depends on how we show love. This is often why we miss the love our boo shows us, our tunnel vision limits what we see. A wife who loves hearing how much she is loved and appreciated won’t notice the love her husband shows by mowing the lawn and getting the oil changed in her car. Just like the boyfriend who loves being caressed and held won’t notice the clean house and perfectly plated meal. Thanks to Dr. Gary Chapman, the creator of the 5 Love Languages, we have a much better understanding of the way we love and the way we show love. That is why it is important that we appreciate both our own and our boo’s love language. To find out your love language and practical ways to show it take the Love Language quiz.

The 5ive Love Languages:

Physical Touch

We all need physical touch in our relationships. However, if your boo’s love language is Physical Touch it’s even more important. By the way, it’s NOT about sex. Your boo feels closer to you when you show affection to them through touch. This act communicates love to them. We recommend you look for ways to touch your boo to demonstrate how much you really love them. Also keep in mind all physical touches may not be welcomed by your boo, so it’s best to ask what type of touches they like and don’t like. Here are some safe examples you can start with:

• Give you boo a gentle back massage

• Come up behind your boo and place your hand on their back when seeking their attention

• When you’re in a private place hold their hand

Words of Affirmation

“Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well” - Robin Sharma

One way to express love in relationships is through words. Words have the power to lift up and are a powerful communicator of love. If this is your boo’s love language then they value it when you speak affirming words to them.  These words are best expressed in statements like:

• “You work really hard for us and I just want you to know how appreciative I am.”

• “I feel so lucky to have you.”

• “I am here if you need me and I want to help support you in any way I can.”

• “Wow! You look so good! I really love the new outfit. It looks great on you!”

Keep in mind, if your boo’s love language is Words of Affirmation, if you use condescending or negative language to communicate with them then you’ll hurt them deeply and they’ll question how much you really love them. Check out our recent article about the power of words in a relationship to gain more understanding on the impact words have in a relationship.

More of our favorite proverbs about words:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but hard words stir up anger.”
“Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
“Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Acts of Service

How do you know if your boo’s love language is Acts of Service? If your boo finds pleasure in you cleaning the house, running errands, and volunteering to help with a task, it’s a good indication that this is probably your boo’s primary love language. As Dr. Chapman puts it, If these things are done “with a positive spirit they are indeed expressions of love”. The most powerful acts are those that are done spontaneously or without your boo asking. Below are some unexpected things you can do to show your boo you love them. However, it’s important to do these things without your boo asking you.

• Prepare breakfast, lunch, or dinner if your boo is usually the cook.

• Clean your partner’s car before they wake up.

• Take the kids out and leave your boo to relax with no responsibilities for a few hours.

• Ask your boo for a grocery list to buy groceries

This is my boo’s primary love language and over the years I’ve had to learn and appreciate this is how she feels loved. I remember this when I’m trying to settle into the evening and seeking to get off my feet after a long day of work and she says “I’m so thirsty” or “I’m hungry”. Most of the time I get up with a good spirit and serve her, because I know this small act will communicate to her, I love you. And I need her to know that so I can do my part to help grow the intimacy in our relationship.

Gifts

At first glance, you may think this love language is about materialism. However, gifts are a symbol of love.  Dr. Chapman says “visual symbols of love are more important to some than others”. If your boo’s primary love language is Gifts then they appreciate the thoughtful things you give them. It’s not necessarily about the item, it's about your thoughtfulness toward the gift that shows that you are listening and thinking of them. Here’s an example of a way you can treat your boo:

Let’s say your boo has had a few stressful days at work that’s given them anxiety and headaches. You could create a “Stress-Free Kit” that includes relaxing bath soap, an electronic massager, and headache medication. The thoughtfulness and timeliness of this gift will resonate deeply.

Quality Time

Quality Time requires you give your boo your undivided attention. This means you put your phone away when you’re talking with them. It also means you’re fully present and listening to your boo. Time is a commodity we can never get back so when you give it you need to make sure you’re investing it in the right places. If Quality Time is your boo’s love language then they’ll truly value this investment. Find time to shut out the world and make your boo the number one priority. This experience will make them feel like they are worth it! And when you invest time with them it communicates they are loved and valued.

Here are some examples of things you can do during quality time:

• Do a Woo

• Find a new recipe and make it for dinner together.

• Take a mini road trip.

• Plan out your next vacation together

Also, if remembering how to spend quality time is not your strong suit, remember the acronym A.M.P. Be Affectionate, Mentally Present, and Purposeful with your time together.

Love is a verb and it’s a choice. Challenge yourself to make the effort this week to intentionally show your boo love in their love language. If you’re not sure what you or your boo’s love language is, take this 2 minute quiz to find out.

For a more detailed explanation of the 5 Love Languages pick up Dr. Chapman’s book. This resource has been instrumental in helping guide my relationship.

Finally, if this article was helpful, feel free to follow us on Instagram and Facebook @wooeternal to discover ways to keep growing yourself and your relationship.

*Remember if you and your boo aren’t having fun you’re not doing this relationship thing right!