How To Deal With A Break Up: 7 Healthy Ways

Break ups suck! And if you’ve just experienced one you’re asking yourself all types of questions. Whose fault was it? Where did we go wrong? However, one of the most important questions to ask yourself is how are you going to get through this break up without being jaded? If you plan on being someone’s boo in the future it’s important to find an answer to this question so you can enter the next relationship as a whole person.

So, here are 7 ways to manage your emotions and help you deal with a breakup successfully.

Greave
When couples split they typically go through the stages of grief to get to a place where they can move on. Wherever you are in this process you need to allow yourself to feel the pain so you can successfully get through it.This process can be short for some and long for others. Either way you need to be patient because it will take time. The important thing here is to understand you are experiencing grief and you need to allow it to run its course without trying to interrupt it.

Forget the Rebound
Seeking comfort in a bottle, drugs, or someone else's arms will only make things worse and interrupt your grieving and healing process. In fact, Mary Jo Rapini, a psychotherapist and author of Re-Coupling: A Couple’s 4 Step Guide to Greater Intimacy and Better Sex says “A lot of my clients express remorse after a rebound because their investment was superficial while other people put their feelings on the line”. Don’t seek to avoid the pain by filling it with another relationship. “Acknowledge the hurt and understand that being a responsible person means dealing with it. Be willing to go into the pain.”

Self Reflect
Take time and reflect on this experience. What would you do differently if you could do it over? What are some things you won’t compromise in the next relationship? What qualities should you look for in the next partner? Also, ask your friends did they notice any changes in your behavior (good or bad) while you were in the relationship. A little self-awareness goes a long way to ensure you’re more equipped for the next relationship. You owe this time of reflection to yourself and your future boo. A Lot of the pain created in relationships can be solved by simply being more conscious.

Cut All Ties
This will be one of the hardest and most liberating things you’ll do to get over this relationship. Try to remove every connection point you have with your ex: unfollow their social accounts, delete their phone number, distance yourself from mutual friends (when necessary). I used to think you could be friends with your ex after a break up and while it’s plausible, it’s very hard to do and keeping connection points around will only confuse and cloud your judgement. Making a clean break gives you the best opportunity and space you need to get through this painful experience.

Forgive
Forgive your ex for all the things you felt they did to hurt you and the relationship. This is an important step to avoid living out past experiences in your new relationship. A good sign that you’re on the path of forgiveness is when you no longer need to bad-talk or rehearse the pain your ex caused you. The next person you should forgive is yourself. In relationships many people tend to compromise in unhealthy ways thinking it will benefit the relationship. A perfect example of this is when one person continually adjusts their values to satisfy their partner, thus losing themselves in the process. Whether this describes you or not, more than likely, there are a few things you need to forgive yourself for to complete this journey. 

Confide in a Close Friend
Rapini says “Once a week, find a coffee shop or a restaurant you've never been to, and invite at least one friend to go with you,” a friend who will listen to you and not offer advice. (During the pandemic you could connect with friends in the comfort of your home while doing the Draw & Sip Woo mentioned at the end of this blog). Do your best to dump the garbage and leave it. I know it’s easier said than done as you are going to rehearse this breakup many times in your mind. However, if you can reconcile within yourself and accept the reality of this experience you’ll begin to slowly let things go.

Look to the Future and Have Fun
Having something fun to look forward to will fill you with excitement. So feel free to embrace change, it will inevitably lead to positive outcomes. Not to mention, this new found freedom is an opportunity for you to go places and do things your former boo didn’t want to do. It’s also an opportunity for you to work on your strengths or reinvent yourself.

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