Has your boo ever done something to you that made you really angry and immediately you turned around and said or did something back to them to show them how it felt? Sometimes we think it’s our duty to help them understand how it feels to be hurt so they never do it again. We’ve all played out this scenario one way or another and some of us are pros at it. I remember my aunt used to say “hurting people, hurt people”. The challenge is if you don’t understand the impact this behavior has on your relationship you will create a cycle that inevitably leads to bitterness and resentment. The reality is love opens us up to the possibility of being hurt repeatedly and if you don’t know how to successfully navigate the pain created by you and your boo you’ll both be victims. 

One Relationship Tip

Have you ever stopped to think, What would happen if you responded humbly. I’m reminded of a scripture that says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up dissension. In other words, don’t add fuel to a situation that is already on edge, you’re bound to make things worse. But how powerful is humility in a romantic relationship? We’re not talking about false humility, the kind where you let your boo walk over you. No, the humility we’re talking about is the kind that seeks first to understand then to be understood.


Why This Relationship Tip Works

There’s a lot of relationship tips and advice out there, but this tip has been a quintessential building block in my relationship. Imagine coming home from work and your boo has an attitude and you ask what’s going on? Immediately, they start going in on you, bringing up all the bad things you’ve done recently and how much you suck as a person. If you’re like me, you’ve got an extra pair of boxing gloves in your back pocket for situations like this; but instead of pulling out the gloves, you decide to hear your boo out. It requires a lot of resolve, but you muster up the strength and patiently wait for them to finish. Once they’re done, you acknowledge their emotions by repeating back what they said almost verbatim, with a peaceful but yet affirming tone. Then you sincerely say, “I understand, I’m going to do better”. How much different would the outcome of that conversation be? I mean, it’s hard to fight against someone who doesn’t fight fair!

We’re All a Work in Progress

I haven’t mastered this technique but I’ve gotten better at it and it’s made a tremendous difference in how my wife and I relate. You and I’d both agree that the antithesis to this doesn’t work, at least 98% of time. Over the years, I’ve learned a person who is constantly on the defensive in their relationship leaves very little room to create happiness. Creation needs inspiration and one is rarely inspired when their guards are up. In fact, this state of being is natural to someone or something that is trying to survive. Which begs the question, is your relationship surviving or thriving? 

All of us are seeking to be heard, understood, and accepted on the deepest levels of our being. A romantic relationship is the perfect environment for this to occur so it’s worth investing the time learning how to get good at this. In closing I leave you with the wise words of Spiderman’s Uncle, “with great power comes great responsibility”, with this relationship tip you have the power to immediately improve your unique connection. Make the most of it!

With love, 

Colleen x La Vance


p.s. If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right. 

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